Patterson California | Boudoir Photographer | Thank You
I believe that a woman's sexuality is beautiful and it shouldn't be hidden. Life has a way of developing a persons set of beliefs. At a very young and impressionable age, I was sexually molested by someone I knew. According to the National Center For Victims Of Crime, 1 out of every 5 girls is a victim of child sexual abuse... Damn, what a heartbreaking ratio. I'm hoping that my story may help heal that scar that runs so deeply for those that have (or are) suffering with the lasting pain. Deep breath.
At 5 years old, I discovered and was ashamed of my sexuality, all at the same time, as a man I knew used my body to satisfy his sexual deviance. In my innocence, I didn't understand what was happening to me. As I matured, however, I wondered what I had inadvertently done to incite such a behavior from a man. I feared, since I didn't know what I'd done, that I'd accidentally draw that attention from someone else. As children do, I blamed myself. So I became guarded. "Shy", they called me. Invisibility was my protective shield. If I didn't get noticed, there was no threat. I learned to fear my sexuality.
As an adult now, if I can understand a problem or make sense of it, it's easier for me to deal with it. Once I can understand the "why" of it, it can be boxed and put away. So I, mentally, spent years in a dimly lit space, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. I struggled, wanting to feel whole. But no matter how hard I looked, the pieces never fit. They just wouldn't fit! So they laid there on the table, messy and unfinished, in its dark place. Until one day, I realized that they would never fit, because the pieces were confusion. Utter and complete confusion. That day, as I prayed to be freed of the host of negative feelings, it was as if I had found the key to the room that I'd been trapped in. I could now understand that a grown man shouldn't be sexually attracted to a child and what he did was done from a place of confusion. Therefore, it would never make sense, and I was free to let it go. As I unlocked the door, I could suddenly see and the air was fresh. I came to understand that letting go wasn't giving up or sweeping it under the rug. Letting go was the solution to my happiness. So I threw the pieces away. Mentally bagging them all up and kicking them to the curb. I was done with it. Left behind like the refuse that it was. Without looking back, I walked away. I don't know where it went. Incinerated, perhaps.
The table, once covered in confusing pieces, now gleams beautifully. I've discovered that my sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of. In fact, it is beautiful. As a boudoir photographer, I get to share that belief with you. We explore, joy, pleasure, vulnerability, and desire. We celebrate them. We make noises that would make anyone within earshot blush, and we giggle and love it. We close our eyes and let go of inhibitions. Boudoir photography isn't just about pretty pictures, it's also about embracing the sensous feminine you.
Karen Ludwig Boudoir is a boudoir photographer, located in the Central Valley, Patterson, California, about an hour south of Sacramento, and approximately the same distance east of San Francisco. My location allows me to serve clients in the Tri Valley, and Bay area as well. I create intimate portraits of women who are looking for a boutique photographic experience, where they explore their bold sexy side and appreciate their beauty, while creating alluring images of their unique "you".
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